14 Factors That Influence a Child’s Behavior or Trigger Misbehavior

What factors can influence children’s behavior and trigger misbehavior including tantrums, outbursts and back talk? 14 Factors that Trigger Challenging Behavior and how printable picture routine cards and a dialed in daily routine will make a world of different with behavior! 

14 Factors Influencing a Child’s Behavior or Can Trigger Their Misbehavior

When you’re frustrated, do you find yourself asking (or even snapping at) your child:

• “Why did you throw that?”
• “Why did you hit your little sister?”
• “Why would you say something mean like that?” 
• “Why are you lying?”
• “Why can’t you clean up like I asked?”
• “Why aren’t you sleeping?”
• “How many times do I have to ask you to do this?!”

I know, it’s easier to jump to a conclusion of “why” your child is acting they way they are, but then the next step is to find a consequence for their misbehavior.

For example, when your child talks back, hits, pushes, acts disobedient or shows you other frustrating and challenging behavior that makes you want to pull your hair out, your focus turns a big fat spotlight on their behavior and your brain fast-forwards straight to a consequence.

That’s what you’re supposed to do, right?

Right???

How often do we hit the pause button enough to slow down, and think of all the things going on with our child that might be causing him to act the way he is BEFORE we react and respond to him?

I know I used to have a knee-jerk reaction to my kid’s behavior, but I’d quickly find if I isolated them with a time out or alone time in their room, it wouldn’t resolve the situation, and 99% of the time would made things worse.

Here’s the thing.

Frustration and anger make you feel like you need to react right that second, when in fact, it’s perfectly okay to take time and pause before you say or do anything at all.

In fact, you’ll find when you’re frustrated with your child’s behavior, and hoping that the question of “why did you do that” or “why did you do this” will give you some insight to what’s going on underneath the surface, it’s usually met with a shoulder shrug and a ho-hum, “I don’t know.”

Amiright? 

This line of questioning never gets us any closer to understanding the “why” behind our children’s behavior no matter how many times we ask.

When we don’t receive the response we want, or see a lack of remorse from our child… we tend to get even more frustrated and that’s when we think up a consequence to “fit the crime,” or worse yet, our blood pressure begins to rise and our patience hits the breaking point and explode and yell. 

It’s a bad cycle that’s easy to get caught up in and resort to time and time again.

I learned a long time ago the environment of our home and the parenting approach I took with each of my three kids would either contribute to good, or bad behavior, as well as define our relationship.

When I’m meeting my child’s needs and filling their bucket with positive attention each day, I don’t see this type of behavior versus when I’m not, or am distracted.

Meeting your child’s needs will always be the biggest factor to helping them manage their behavior.

It’s a win-win for parents and children when connection surpasses our emotions. 

Here’s what I know about reacting to misbehavior…

When you come from a place of empathy and respect for your child’s feelings, and then take an investigative approach to finding out WHY your child is acting the way they do, you can focus on changing their behavior and helping them, instead of putting the focus on punishment or consequences.

Here’s why pausing and choosing to understand first works.

When you shift the focus away from what your has been done, to “why” this behavior happened, it changes your perspective and then your approach to handling the situation.

Instead of asking a question of your child that begins with “why,” it’s time to ask yourself the same question in the form of, “I wonder.”

• “I wonder why she pushed her brother?”
• “I wonder why he’s melting down at doing homework tonight.” 
• “I wonder why my child was just set off by my question.”

There are many reasons why kids act out, and while it’s important to focus on the approach you take with them, there are several common some reasons why kids act the way they do.

You’ll soon be able to narrow down the why” when you first ask the question of yourself, “I wonder why…”